Aprtheid police hit squad leader Eugene de Kock wants to be forgiven for blasting an ANC lawyer, Bheki Mlangeni, to smithereens with a bomb.
|||De Kock wrote to The Star:
1. I fully accept that Ms Mlangeni cannot forgive me for my involvement in her son’s death. Real forgiveness requires that the person against whom the deed was perpetrated be asked for forgiveness, but with murder, forgiveness becomes impossible.
2. With that in mind, I cannot ask Ms Catherine Mlangeni for forgiveness for the death of her son, and I will have to live with that pain and regret forever. There is no greater punishment than to have to live with the consequences of the most terrible deed with no one to forgive you. For me, even my own death can’t compare.
3. I, however, want to ask her for forgiveness for the pain and suffering she as a mother had to endure due to my terrible deeds.
Not only her, but also the whole family of Mr Mlangeni who suffered as a consequence of what I did in those years of madness. There might be no pain greater than the pain one experiences with the loss of a child. Your forgiveness will mean a lot to me, but it can in no way wash away the pain I have caused.
4. I am in jail now for approximately 17 years. I accept responsibility for my contribution to the evil of apartheid and deserve the years in incarceration. The isolation from my family and loved ones has given me some idea of what the Mlangeni family had to live through, although I understand that nothing can compare with their experience. Justice means I might be here for the rest of my life, and while I would like to have the opportunity to contribute to a democratic society in a meaningful way one day, I understand the justifications for my incarceration.
5. I had been a soldier and policeman most of my life. I had known no other life; war and jail is almost the sum total of my experiences as an adult. The violence I have seen, experienced and perpetrated is an almost unbearable feature of my mind. I have asked forgiveness at the TRC and also to victims and families who have visited me since my incarceration. I asked because it releases some of the guilt I experience, but I know it may not make it easier for those who were the victims of my justifications for apartheid at the time.
6. If you ever feel it will help you to deal with your pain and sorrow, feel free to visit me.
My deepest regrets